What Do I Wanna Be When I Grow Up?

It has come to the point, once again, where I hate my job. I no longer work at Park's. I no longer work for My Indoor Air Quality. I now work for Property Solutions; a job that once seemed full of promise and happiness has turned into a place that sucks out my self-esteem and kills my soul. I hate sitting in a cubicle like a robot receiving phone calls from angry people with problems I don't have authority to help them with. I hate the unflinchingly rigid attendance policy that is making me be here even though I'm super sick. I hate having my supervisor forget everything I talk to them about and at times, have them forget I was even at a meeting and then calling me to another one. I hate feeling like a number and a statistic, not a person. I hate getting my phone calls "graded" and failing them for stupid reasons. It's a phone call, not brain surgery. It doesn't matter! They take everything so seriously here when it comes to "protocol" and care more about following that than actually paying attention to what the situation actually calls for on a case to case basis. I am not meant for this kind of work. Every time I'm sitting here in my cubicle trying to convince myself not to storm out and yell "I QUIT!" I try and think about what kind of work would really make me happy. What things do I love doing so much that doing them would make me actually feel good about myself and feel worth the hard work I put in to it? I came up with two things.

1. I love art.
2. I love kids.

Solution: Minor in art education. 

I notice that the only times I am truly happy (besides when I'm with my husband) is when I am working on art, reading about art, looking at art, etc. and when I'm around little kids. I love kids. I can feel myself light up when I see a little child. I am drawn to them. I love talking to them and playing with them and trying to make them laugh. 

People always ask me what I want to do when I graduate and I never have an answer. I never knew what I wanted to do when I "grew up". Now I do. I want to teach art to little kids. I know that would bring me so much happiness. I know I would be good at it. I know that I would feel like I was doing something worthwhile and something that could maybe affect people for the good. I think I am going to add a minor in art education to my degree. It will add some more classes to my load before I graduate but I think it is what I am meant to do. The more I think about it the better I feel. It seems like a positive solution to the crappy situation I am in now. 

I know what I want to be when I grow up. Not many people can say that and I am getting warm fuzzies now that I can, with certainty, say that. I am determined. Wish me luck.

5 am Web Surfing

First post since being married! First post since....well, forever. Kinda been slacking. Lots of interested stuff has happened that I could've posted about but frankly, I've been insanely busy. The only reason I am able to post right now is because I came in to work at 5 am today and it's a Sunday and I have taken a total of 1 phone call in the 2 hours I have been here. Not much to do. So I've been reading Andre Agassi's autobiography "Open" which is fascinating. I love tennis and I miss playing it. I haven't played in about a year at least. Makes me sad. So I got around to looking up the mens singles current rankings trying to see how my man Andy Roddick was doing.

You can imagine the shock that came over me when I found out he has been RETIRED since last year and I had no idea. Like I said on Facebook, I am now dead inside. 

Garrett Helund, however, brought me a little back to life. I watched "Country Strong" last night because I love the music and my husband works graveyard shifts and I had nothing better to do. His voice is amazing. I though he was a professional country artist. Little did I know that he is actually a famous actor and he plays Sam Flynn in Tron: Legacy. What the heck?????

That doesn't even seem like the same person! First of all, the voices sound totally different. Second, he seems like a small little man boy in Tron and a big, strong manly man in Country Strong. This just goes to show how extremely versatile he is. I am in love with his voice. And I am absolutely in love with this song.

I died inside a little bit again when I found out he is dating Kirsten Dunst. I don't know how she is as a person but as an actress I'm not a fan. But if they're happy, more power to them.

That's all I've found out for now. Hopefully anything else I discover will be good things that won't make me die inside anymore.

Living in the Moment

A few years ago I came across a book called "13 Reasons Why" by Jay Asher. It was one of those books that you pick up and don't put down until you've read every single word. Today, I downloaded a book co-authored by Jay Asher and Carolyn Mackler called "The Future of Us". I started reading it and didn't stop until I finished, which was about 15 minutes ago. While I didn't like it as much as "13 Reasons Why", it did get me thinking a lot. "The Future of Us" is basically about a girl and her friend who get an AOL disc and download it onto her computer (before the internet was everywhere and iPods or Facebook were invented) and it has a Facebook account on it with their lives 15 years in the future. They become obsessed with how their current lives affect their future lives and it turns into this huge life changing thing over about a weeks time and don't realize how they are ignoring their current lives. 

As I've written in previous posts, I love Buddhism. Not as a religion or anything, but I think Buddha was very wise and teaches very useful concepts and ways to find happiness within yourself. A big part of Buddhism is something called mindfulness. It's about being aware of yourself and what is going on in the moment, how your body feels, managing your thoughts, and being totally present in the current moment. I have a few buddhist books and they go more in depth about the concept but it is really helpful. Most people don't know this but last year I found out I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I'm not ashamed to admit this anymore. Millions of people suffer from it, and it's not something you can just "get over" and stop on a whim. I've found that mindfulness is helps a lot with people who are suffering from extreme stress and use it remain calm in stressful situations. Practicing mindfulness and being in the present moment helps you stop worry so much about the future and enjoy life more. If you just focus on being happy here, right now, then a lot of stress goes away. Your life will turn out how it is supposed to. Everything happens for a reason, and it does no good to put all your time, energy, and emotions into worrying about how one little thing you do now will affect your future 15 years from now. 

If anyone is interested in reading more about mindfulness or Buddhism I love all the books I've read by Thich Nhat Hanh, he is very wise and has changed my life. 

Here is a very artistic rendition of him lol (all his photos were low res). Doesn't he look wise?

Hallelujah for Whoops Babies

First of all, I'm not pregnant. Wanted to make sure that was clear right off the bat. Second of all, I love my baby sister Catherine Pearl. Feels weird typing out the name Catherine since I always call her Cat, Kitty, Baby Girl, Bub, Babe, Kitty Pearl, etc. The kid's got a lot of nicknames. I only call her Catherine when she's in trouble. A lot of people get confused when I call her my baby sister since she's almost 8 years old, but she is and will forever be my baby sister. I'm 14 years older than her and I was in the room when she was born. I changed her diaper, fed her bottles, babysat her, etc. etc. I am extremely protective of her and miss her all the time. 

This was when I took her to see How to Train Your Dragon in the park in Springville this past summer.  It was a good day :)

I got to see her today for the first time in what I think has been two weeks. I can't believe I went that long without seeing her. I was really missing her and feeling like crap so I went to visit her at my dad's house and I'm really glad I went. The second I saw her she immediately gave me a huge hug and said she missed me. I almost started crying. We ate dinner together and she saved me a seat right next to her and made sure nobody sat in it. She told me jokes that were actually really funny. She talked like a grown up to me and amazed me with how mature and smart she is getting. We played board games and she made sure she was on my team. When I was leaving she wrapped her arms around my stomach and wouldn't let me go and started crying. While it was sad, it actually made me feel a lot better. Today has been one of those days when I don't feel like anyone gives a shiz about me (we all have those days, you know what I'm talking about) so it was nice to feel like she cares and wants me around, especially since she means the world to me. I really don't know what I would do without this kid. She was a whoops baby but she actually turned out to be a miracle baby and she saves me all the time. I love that baby girl. 

I told her to put together an outfit to wear to school the next day and she came out in this while laughing hysterically. She is the funniest, smartest, sweetest kid I know. 

I told her the cactus was about her size and told her to go poke it, so she did lol. Only barely though, she didn't get hurt. 

Hanging out at the western store in Thatcher, Arizona. Not much goin on in that city....

This was at Temple Square :) She's missing her two front teeth. Adorable. 

Something to Get Excited About

Today was my first day of school for Winter semester. I am only taking one class, it's a computer design class. Basically we are going to learn all the design software we are going to need to know to be graphic designers. I. Am. Stoked. Once I finally learn all the complicated software I can finally get a graphic design job and do something I actually care about and get all my ideas out where people can see them. I know this might surprise you but I'm not passionate about selling sporting goods online (which is what I'm currently doing). I also found out that we are going to get to do an art show in the HFAC gallery which I haven't done since my 2D class forever ago. I am very excited for that :) I like seeing my work up on the wall. Makes me feel accomplished somewhat. This semester is going to be a very good one :) 

The Dragon Fish Without a Name

Today, I purchased a fish :) I am technically not allowed to have pets in my apartment, so instead of getting a cute little beagle puppy I settled for a Beta fish. I wanted some of those freakishly huge awesome fish you can get at the pet store but I can't have an actual tank in my apartment either (harder to hide when the landlords come over) so I settled for a little bowl. Here is my fish :) He looks like a dragon.

He's kinda camera shy. Every time I would try to take a picture he would hide behind the plants. This is the best pic I could get. I had to hide and just slide my phone up and hold still until he got into a good position. It's good practice for when I get to work for National Geographic lol. He's sneaky. I love him already. Only problem is, I can't decide on a name. Any suggestions? 

Sunny Side Up

Today has been an awful day but also a fantastic day. It started out with me having to go to the dentist and get two fillings replaced. Halfway through the process my dentist decided to step out into the hall and talk to sales reps for 15 minutes while I was tilted upside down with a hole drilled in my tooth. I need a new dentist.

THEN, I barely made it to the gas station before I completely ran out of gas and it cost $45 to fill it up. It's never cost that much. Yay for insanely high gas prices. 

THEN, I went to work and despite my beliefs that work could not get worse than it's been, it did. I'm convinced the owners are going to lay me off cause they're plummeting out of business. They're slowly taking all my responsibilities and giving them to their son and the butt kissing manager without telling me. It was the cherry on top of the crap I put up with there. I've applied at 5 places in the past week and haven't heard from any of them. Job hunting sucks. 

BUT, I found out Three Days Grace released a new album last month. 

They are in my top 5 favorite bands. I can't believe it took me this long to find out they had released a new album but I downloaded it the instant I got home and it's amazing. Here's one of their awesome songs from the new album Transit of Venues. It's called Chalk Outline.

I also finally went grocery shopping after not having food for like 2 weeks. I have my Fanta and fettuccine alfredo :) 

I finally cleaned my room. It is amazing how much better it feels to have a clean room. I got my comic books up on my wall and they look awesome. I only have one more wall left to decorate so it finally feels a little bit like home. 

My day just got a little worse when I had to clean up the whole downstairs of my apartment because my roommate is a disgusting pig. I just found 2 rotting jack-o-lanterns covered in mold sitting in our kitchen. It was nasty. 3 bags of garbage....all from her. She spends all her time making out with her boyfriend so I guess she doesn't have time to clean. 

I'm not gonna let it ruin my day. I'm gonna watch The Office and Park's and Rec while eating my yummy dinner and then listen to Transit of Venues all the way through :) 

Flatbacks and Paper Cases

I am still in Bookbinding and I am LOVING IT. Some people think it sounds lame, but that is only because they don't know how freakin fun it is. At least to me. And every single other person who has ever taken the class. Here are my latest projects:

Flatback Binding

This book has cloth on the spine and paper for the rest of the cover. This is the most common kind of book, and is also my favorite one to make so far. I will probably make a lot more with this style of binding. 

It has handmade paper stuck on endbands. 

Paper Case Binding

This book was the most expensive to make so far. The cover paper was almost $10 for one sheet that is about 24"x? something. It's called St. Armand paper and it's handmade, which is why it's so expensive. Plus the seashell pendants for the front, the leather, the beads, the special thread for the sewn on endband shown in the last picture, plus all the text paper on the inside. It also took the most time to make this book compared to all the other ones. 

The leather wraps from the back cover around the shells in kind of like an 8 pattern to keep the book shut. 

This is a sewn on endband. I'm not happy with the color of it but I bought the thread without having the paper in front of me so I didn't realize how badly it didn't match. Hand sewn endbands are not nearly as common as stuck on endbands and they add value to the book. 

All my books are completely handmade, other than the closures (leather, seashells, beads) used on the paper case book. I am in love with making books and will probably keep making them for a long time. I have started a shop on Etsy and will start selling books when I have made more. I am too attached to the ones I've made so far since they're the first ones I've made. I have a feeling it's going to be really hard for me to let go of books I make, but all artists have to come to terms with letting go of their creations at one point or another. 

Luck O' The Irish

Not many people know that the popular saying, "luck o' the Irish" is an ironic phrase. Since I'm part Irish, that's probably where my sarcasm comes from. "Luck o' the Irish" means bad luck, not good. It comes from history where bad luck kept falling on the Irish people. I have really bad luck with Utah men. I only realized today that every time I see a really, really attractive man on tv or in movies and I look him up, it turns out he's Irish! It's happened enough times to make me realize it's probably not a coincidence. My Irish heritage is probably where this uncontrollable attraction to Irish men comes from. Here are some of their beautiful faces. 

Exhibit A:

Alex O'Loughlin

He was born in Australia, but the name "O'Loughlin" comes from Ireland, so he is of Irish descent. (The Australian doesn't hurt either, they're super attractive too.) 

 He has dark hair and beautiful eyes, plus a gorgeous smile. What more could a girl want?

Exhibit B: 

Colin O'Donoghue

Born and raised in Ireland :) Pictured on the left as playing Captain Hook on the tv show Once Upon a Time. 

Beautiful eyes, beautiful hair, beautiful face. 

Probably a beautiful personality too lol.

Then there are the more well known ones like:

Colin Farrell

Also born and raised in Ireland.  

 I wouldn't mind if my future husband looked like this :) 

And the older ones like

                      Pierce Brosnan

and

                                                                 Liam Neeson

Apparently Ireland just produces a lot of really attractive men. So I have come to a conclusion. After I graduate, which is sooner than I thought it was going to be, I am going to go to Ireland. I have wanted to go for years, so I'm gonna go. I will go and photograph the beautiful landscape and experience the awesome culture and admire the locals lol. Sounds like a pretty good graduation present to myself. And who knows, maybe I'll find a handsome Irish man to marry in a castle :) Only time will tell. 

Foxes and Fleece

If I could make it Fall all year round, I probably would. I love it for so many reasons. Jackets, pretty leaves, hot chocolate, perfect temperatures, delicious smells, bonfires, pumpkin flavored things, the list goes on and on. One of these things causes a huge problem for me. That would be the jackets. I am a little obsessed. With some girls, it's shoes or purses. With me it's jackets. I LOVE THEM. Especially from PacSun. I want almost every single one they have and it takes every shred of self control I have to not load up my credit card with jacket purchases. Today I failed. I figured, I get paid on Monday, and if I just buy one now I will be satisfied so I at least have one new one. But guess what. They were having a BOGO sale. OF COURSE. They know how to suck you in. So I got two. I will not buy another jacket for the next........two months. I don't think I can realistically commit to anything longer than that. But we will see :) Here's what I got:

I love Fox. I think half my shirts and jackets are from them. I should just go work for them and try to get free stuff. Haha cause that's realistic. Anyways, my name is Jennie and I'm a jacket-aholic. I'll see you at the meetings lol. 

Books, Books, Nothing But Books

I love bookbinding. Some people think it's lame, but I love it. I recently learned how to make books using the Coptic Binding. We only had to make one book for the assignment but I made two :) The first one took me a while but the second one only took me about 6 or 7 hours total, from scratch. I am proud of myself lol. Here are some pics:

Here's the front of both of them. The first one I made is on the left, the second one is on the right.

This is the side view

This is the back

This is the front inside cover

This is the back inside cover

The next kind of book we are learning how to make is called the Flat Back binding, which is how most books are made. I can't wait :)

It's Surreal That I'm Starting to Love Surrealism

Pinterest is awesome. I have found some really cool artists on there. Yesterday, there were a couple of amazing photographers I found. Their style is really cool. One of them is Martin Stranka, and the other is Lissy Elle. They both do surreal photography. I am really NOT into surreal paintings, but for some reason I really like these photos. I guess I like it for the same reason I like Tim Burton. It's different.

Martin Stranka

Lissy Elle