What Do I Wanna Be When I Grow Up?

It has come to the point, once again, where I hate my job. I no longer work at Park's. I no longer work for My Indoor Air Quality. I now work for Property Solutions; a job that once seemed full of promise and happiness has turned into a place that sucks out my self-esteem and kills my soul. I hate sitting in a cubicle like a robot receiving phone calls from angry people with problems I don't have authority to help them with. I hate the unflinchingly rigid attendance policy that is making me be here even though I'm super sick. I hate having my supervisor forget everything I talk to them about and at times, have them forget I was even at a meeting and then calling me to another one. I hate feeling like a number and a statistic, not a person. I hate getting my phone calls "graded" and failing them for stupid reasons. It's a phone call, not brain surgery. It doesn't matter! They take everything so seriously here when it comes to "protocol" and care more about following that than actually paying attention to what the situation actually calls for on a case to case basis. I am not meant for this kind of work. Every time I'm sitting here in my cubicle trying to convince myself not to storm out and yell "I QUIT!" I try and think about what kind of work would really make me happy. What things do I love doing so much that doing them would make me actually feel good about myself and feel worth the hard work I put in to it? I came up with two things.

1. I love art.
2. I love kids.

Solution: Minor in art education. 

I notice that the only times I am truly happy (besides when I'm with my husband) is when I am working on art, reading about art, looking at art, etc. and when I'm around little kids. I love kids. I can feel myself light up when I see a little child. I am drawn to them. I love talking to them and playing with them and trying to make them laugh. 

People always ask me what I want to do when I graduate and I never have an answer. I never knew what I wanted to do when I "grew up". Now I do. I want to teach art to little kids. I know that would bring me so much happiness. I know I would be good at it. I know that I would feel like I was doing something worthwhile and something that could maybe affect people for the good. I think I am going to add a minor in art education to my degree. It will add some more classes to my load before I graduate but I think it is what I am meant to do. The more I think about it the better I feel. It seems like a positive solution to the crappy situation I am in now. 

I know what I want to be when I grow up. Not many people can say that and I am getting warm fuzzies now that I can, with certainty, say that. I am determined. Wish me luck.

Living in the Moment

A few years ago I came across a book called "13 Reasons Why" by Jay Asher. It was one of those books that you pick up and don't put down until you've read every single word. Today, I downloaded a book co-authored by Jay Asher and Carolyn Mackler called "The Future of Us". I started reading it and didn't stop until I finished, which was about 15 minutes ago. While I didn't like it as much as "13 Reasons Why", it did get me thinking a lot. "The Future of Us" is basically about a girl and her friend who get an AOL disc and download it onto her computer (before the internet was everywhere and iPods or Facebook were invented) and it has a Facebook account on it with their lives 15 years in the future. They become obsessed with how their current lives affect their future lives and it turns into this huge life changing thing over about a weeks time and don't realize how they are ignoring their current lives. 

As I've written in previous posts, I love Buddhism. Not as a religion or anything, but I think Buddha was very wise and teaches very useful concepts and ways to find happiness within yourself. A big part of Buddhism is something called mindfulness. It's about being aware of yourself and what is going on in the moment, how your body feels, managing your thoughts, and being totally present in the current moment. I have a few buddhist books and they go more in depth about the concept but it is really helpful. Most people don't know this but last year I found out I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I'm not ashamed to admit this anymore. Millions of people suffer from it, and it's not something you can just "get over" and stop on a whim. I've found that mindfulness is helps a lot with people who are suffering from extreme stress and use it remain calm in stressful situations. Practicing mindfulness and being in the present moment helps you stop worry so much about the future and enjoy life more. If you just focus on being happy here, right now, then a lot of stress goes away. Your life will turn out how it is supposed to. Everything happens for a reason, and it does no good to put all your time, energy, and emotions into worrying about how one little thing you do now will affect your future 15 years from now. 

If anyone is interested in reading more about mindfulness or Buddhism I love all the books I've read by Thich Nhat Hanh, he is very wise and has changed my life. 

Here is a very artistic rendition of him lol (all his photos were low res). Doesn't he look wise?

Hallelujah for Whoops Babies

First of all, I'm not pregnant. Wanted to make sure that was clear right off the bat. Second of all, I love my baby sister Catherine Pearl. Feels weird typing out the name Catherine since I always call her Cat, Kitty, Baby Girl, Bub, Babe, Kitty Pearl, etc. The kid's got a lot of nicknames. I only call her Catherine when she's in trouble. A lot of people get confused when I call her my baby sister since she's almost 8 years old, but she is and will forever be my baby sister. I'm 14 years older than her and I was in the room when she was born. I changed her diaper, fed her bottles, babysat her, etc. etc. I am extremely protective of her and miss her all the time. 

This was when I took her to see How to Train Your Dragon in the park in Springville this past summer.  It was a good day :)

I got to see her today for the first time in what I think has been two weeks. I can't believe I went that long without seeing her. I was really missing her and feeling like crap so I went to visit her at my dad's house and I'm really glad I went. The second I saw her she immediately gave me a huge hug and said she missed me. I almost started crying. We ate dinner together and she saved me a seat right next to her and made sure nobody sat in it. She told me jokes that were actually really funny. She talked like a grown up to me and amazed me with how mature and smart she is getting. We played board games and she made sure she was on my team. When I was leaving she wrapped her arms around my stomach and wouldn't let me go and started crying. While it was sad, it actually made me feel a lot better. Today has been one of those days when I don't feel like anyone gives a shiz about me (we all have those days, you know what I'm talking about) so it was nice to feel like she cares and wants me around, especially since she means the world to me. I really don't know what I would do without this kid. She was a whoops baby but she actually turned out to be a miracle baby and she saves me all the time. I love that baby girl. 

I told her to put together an outfit to wear to school the next day and she came out in this while laughing hysterically. She is the funniest, smartest, sweetest kid I know. 

I told her the cactus was about her size and told her to go poke it, so she did lol. Only barely though, she didn't get hurt. 

Hanging out at the western store in Thatcher, Arizona. Not much goin on in that city....

This was at Temple Square :) She's missing her two front teeth. Adorable. 

Something to Get Excited About

Today was my first day of school for Winter semester. I am only taking one class, it's a computer design class. Basically we are going to learn all the design software we are going to need to know to be graphic designers. I. Am. Stoked. Once I finally learn all the complicated software I can finally get a graphic design job and do something I actually care about and get all my ideas out where people can see them. I know this might surprise you but I'm not passionate about selling sporting goods online (which is what I'm currently doing). I also found out that we are going to get to do an art show in the HFAC gallery which I haven't done since my 2D class forever ago. I am very excited for that :) I like seeing my work up on the wall. Makes me feel accomplished somewhat. This semester is going to be a very good one :) 

Sunny Side Up

Today has been an awful day but also a fantastic day. It started out with me having to go to the dentist and get two fillings replaced. Halfway through the process my dentist decided to step out into the hall and talk to sales reps for 15 minutes while I was tilted upside down with a hole drilled in my tooth. I need a new dentist.

THEN, I barely made it to the gas station before I completely ran out of gas and it cost $45 to fill it up. It's never cost that much. Yay for insanely high gas prices. 

THEN, I went to work and despite my beliefs that work could not get worse than it's been, it did. I'm convinced the owners are going to lay me off cause they're plummeting out of business. They're slowly taking all my responsibilities and giving them to their son and the butt kissing manager without telling me. It was the cherry on top of the crap I put up with there. I've applied at 5 places in the past week and haven't heard from any of them. Job hunting sucks. 

BUT, I found out Three Days Grace released a new album last month. 

They are in my top 5 favorite bands. I can't believe it took me this long to find out they had released a new album but I downloaded it the instant I got home and it's amazing. Here's one of their awesome songs from the new album Transit of Venues. It's called Chalk Outline.

I also finally went grocery shopping after not having food for like 2 weeks. I have my Fanta and fettuccine alfredo :) 

I finally cleaned my room. It is amazing how much better it feels to have a clean room. I got my comic books up on my wall and they look awesome. I only have one more wall left to decorate so it finally feels a little bit like home. 

My day just got a little worse when I had to clean up the whole downstairs of my apartment because my roommate is a disgusting pig. I just found 2 rotting jack-o-lanterns covered in mold sitting in our kitchen. It was nasty. 3 bags of garbage....all from her. She spends all her time making out with her boyfriend so I guess she doesn't have time to clean. 

I'm not gonna let it ruin my day. I'm gonna watch The Office and Park's and Rec while eating my yummy dinner and then listen to Transit of Venues all the way through :) 

Flatbacks and Paper Cases

I am still in Bookbinding and I am LOVING IT. Some people think it sounds lame, but that is only because they don't know how freakin fun it is. At least to me. And every single other person who has ever taken the class. Here are my latest projects:

Flatback Binding

This book has cloth on the spine and paper for the rest of the cover. This is the most common kind of book, and is also my favorite one to make so far. I will probably make a lot more with this style of binding. 

It has handmade paper stuck on endbands. 

Paper Case Binding

This book was the most expensive to make so far. The cover paper was almost $10 for one sheet that is about 24"x? something. It's called St. Armand paper and it's handmade, which is why it's so expensive. Plus the seashell pendants for the front, the leather, the beads, the special thread for the sewn on endband shown in the last picture, plus all the text paper on the inside. It also took the most time to make this book compared to all the other ones. 

The leather wraps from the back cover around the shells in kind of like an 8 pattern to keep the book shut. 

This is a sewn on endband. I'm not happy with the color of it but I bought the thread without having the paper in front of me so I didn't realize how badly it didn't match. Hand sewn endbands are not nearly as common as stuck on endbands and they add value to the book. 

All my books are completely handmade, other than the closures (leather, seashells, beads) used on the paper case book. I am in love with making books and will probably keep making them for a long time. I have started a shop on Etsy and will start selling books when I have made more. I am too attached to the ones I've made so far since they're the first ones I've made. I have a feeling it's going to be really hard for me to let go of books I make, but all artists have to come to terms with letting go of their creations at one point or another. 

Stuff in the Works

Today, I waited in line with a bunch of old people for about an hour to vote for the future president of the United States :) I felt all grown up. I got the "I Voted" sticker and everything. Best part was a really cute old guy telling me I didn't look old enough to vote lol. Glad I don't look like an old maid yet. 

Also today, I got the glasses for my Dwight costume for Halloween :) 

They are amazingly perfect. Only problem is, I can't get the lenses to pop out. I bought reading glasses from Walgreens, so they're prescription, and I need to get them out. If anyone knows how to pop them out without breaking the frame let me know :) The rest of my costume should be coming in the mail tomorrow or the next day so I'm stoked. 

Since I really want to go to Ireland, I was looking on Groupon to see if they had any good deals. I found an AMAZING deal for a six-night trip for $999, which includes hotels, rental car, and air fare. I couldn't believe it. I don't have the money for it now, but maybe they'll have another deal like that when I can go :) It would be awesome. 

My roommate is hysterically laughing and screeching in the next room, and has been for the past 3 hours straight. I think I should be worried. That's all :) 

Luck O' The Irish

Not many people know that the popular saying, "luck o' the Irish" is an ironic phrase. Since I'm part Irish, that's probably where my sarcasm comes from. "Luck o' the Irish" means bad luck, not good. It comes from history where bad luck kept falling on the Irish people. I have really bad luck with Utah men. I only realized today that every time I see a really, really attractive man on tv or in movies and I look him up, it turns out he's Irish! It's happened enough times to make me realize it's probably not a coincidence. My Irish heritage is probably where this uncontrollable attraction to Irish men comes from. Here are some of their beautiful faces. 

Exhibit A:

Alex O'Loughlin

He was born in Australia, but the name "O'Loughlin" comes from Ireland, so he is of Irish descent. (The Australian doesn't hurt either, they're super attractive too.) 

 He has dark hair and beautiful eyes, plus a gorgeous smile. What more could a girl want?

Exhibit B: 

Colin O'Donoghue

Born and raised in Ireland :) Pictured on the left as playing Captain Hook on the tv show Once Upon a Time. 

Beautiful eyes, beautiful hair, beautiful face. 

Probably a beautiful personality too lol.

Then there are the more well known ones like:

Colin Farrell

Also born and raised in Ireland.  

 I wouldn't mind if my future husband looked like this :) 

And the older ones like

                      Pierce Brosnan

and

                                                                 Liam Neeson

Apparently Ireland just produces a lot of really attractive men. So I have come to a conclusion. After I graduate, which is sooner than I thought it was going to be, I am going to go to Ireland. I have wanted to go for years, so I'm gonna go. I will go and photograph the beautiful landscape and experience the awesome culture and admire the locals lol. Sounds like a pretty good graduation present to myself. And who knows, maybe I'll find a handsome Irish man to marry in a castle :) Only time will tell. 

Foxes and Fleece

If I could make it Fall all year round, I probably would. I love it for so many reasons. Jackets, pretty leaves, hot chocolate, perfect temperatures, delicious smells, bonfires, pumpkin flavored things, the list goes on and on. One of these things causes a huge problem for me. That would be the jackets. I am a little obsessed. With some girls, it's shoes or purses. With me it's jackets. I LOVE THEM. Especially from PacSun. I want almost every single one they have and it takes every shred of self control I have to not load up my credit card with jacket purchases. Today I failed. I figured, I get paid on Monday, and if I just buy one now I will be satisfied so I at least have one new one. But guess what. They were having a BOGO sale. OF COURSE. They know how to suck you in. So I got two. I will not buy another jacket for the next........two months. I don't think I can realistically commit to anything longer than that. But we will see :) Here's what I got:

I love Fox. I think half my shirts and jackets are from them. I should just go work for them and try to get free stuff. Haha cause that's realistic. Anyways, my name is Jennie and I'm a jacket-aholic. I'll see you at the meetings lol. 

Being Mormon in Happy Valley

The current presidential race has shone a lot of light on Mormons, due to the fact that candidate Mitt Romney is a Mormon. While the light has been shone, it hasn't all shown truths. I really don't understand what it is about the world and media that devotes almost all of its energy on tearing other people and beliefs down, whether the stuff they are saying is true or not. Most of the time it's not. What blows my mind the most is that people don't see the hypocrisy of it all. If a Mormon is around a group of non-mormons who are drinking, more often than not, they will be asked why they aren't drinking. They give their answer. And then they get harassed about it (not all the time, I'm not generalizing, but a lot of the time). Think about if the roles were reversed. That Mormon, being around a group of non-mormons drinking could ask them why the ARE drinking, and then harass them about it. They could shove their point of view down the non-mormons' throats all night long. And guess what. That Mormon would be considered arrogant, preachy, judgmental, etc. So how come it doesn't go both ways? How come people who aren't Mormons can harass Mormons about their beliefs, openly and harshly, but nobody says anything? Why is it ok for people to shove their anti-religious beliefs down Mormons throats, but when Mormons try and say what they believe they are being judgmental, un-accepting, and arrogant? I really don't get it. The hypocrisy is ridiculous. 


I read a post on the internet that said "Mormons are arrogant". Come on. Really? You're going to stereotype every single Mormon on the planet because maybe you met a handful of arrogant Mormons? I have lived in Utah Valley my whole life, so I have obviously been around my fair share of Mormons. Are some Mormons arrogant? Yes. Are all Mormons arrogant? No. Generalizations and stereotypes are ridiculous. Try not to be in the high school mentality, okay? Realize that not all people are what ONE person is. That's like saying all Hispanic people are illegal, or all Black people are criminals, or all White people are racist, etc, etc, etc. It's ridiculous. There are endless amounts of stereotypes and generalizations that are completely FALSE. 


I've heard people say that being a non-mormon in Utah sucks. Well guess what. Being a Mormon in Utah sucks too. I can imagine what it would be like to be the minority somewhere. I've grown up in an environment where the majority of the people around me have the same beliefs. It's a weird way to grow up, considering that most of the other places in the US aren't like that. Except in the South maybe....anyway. I can understand why it would be hard for non-mormons to try and fit in in Utah. Mormonism isn't just a religion in Utah, it's a culture too, because it's so condensed. I'll tell you a secret. It's hard for Mormons to fit in in Utah too. The Mormon culture is definitely unique. There are a lot of desserts involved, along with a lot of overly friendly people and pot luck dinners. There's a lot of pressure. A lot of insecurities. But most Mormons really are just trying to be good people. Sometimes Mormons might come off arrogant, because they ARE overly friendly and cheerful. It might come off fake or condescending. But guess what. Every single person in this world is just trying to live life the best way they know how. Nobodies opinions and beliefs are exactly the same. Mormons try to be friendly because the religion focuses on service and helping the people around them. Cue the enormous amounts of food. And crafts. Some Mormons ARE self righteous. But a lot aren't. 


I don't understand why people have so many negative things to say about Mormons anyway. The religion promotes lots of service, families, education, travel, morality, health, ethics, etc. None of those things sound bad to me. When there are natural disasters, Mormons are usually a huge part of the people who volunteer to help. When people are moving, Mormons usually stop by to help whether they know the person or not. If your neighbor is a Mormon and they see your sidewalk covered in snow, they usually come shovel it. Mormons donate to charity. They visit old people. They travel to 3rd world countries and try to help the people there. I'm not saying all Mormons are good people, cause some aren't. But nobody is perfect. Mormons aren't polygamists. They don't wear weird clothes or eat weird food. They don't live on compounds. They are regular people. 


I have been a Mormon my whole life, and will always be a Mormon. I am sick of people telling me that I let other people make my decisions and think for me, BECAUSE I'm Mormon. Just cause I've grown up being Mormon doesn't mean it's always been easy to be one. We all go through stages where we try to figure out what we personally believe. We question things and try to make sense of the world around us. I questioned a lot of stuff. I studied scriptures, read articles, prayed, soul searched, you know the drill. I came to believe, BY MYSELF, that I believe in the LDS church (aka Mormonism). Nobody forced me to believe it or brainwashed me. I make my own choices. I'm not saying that I don't still wonder about stuff and question stuff, but everyone does. We are all just trying to find a belief system that works for us. I am not a lemming who just follows along with everyone else. So people, STOP SAYING MORMONS DON'T MAKE THEIR OWN DECISIONS. We are normal freakin people like everyone else. We just believe in stuff that maybe you don't. Big deal. You can go smoke, drink until you puke, sleep around, steal, do whatever, and I don't care. I seriously don't judge. It's your life. I don't want people judging me for what I do, so I'm not going to judge anyone for what they do. It's their life, and their decisions, and if they decide to believe in Buddha, Ra, nobody, the cult leader down the street, GO FOR IT. More power to ya. I'm not going to force my beliefs on anyone, but if anyone wants to actually have an open, intellectual, respectful discussion about religion or just beliefs in general I'm completely open to it. Just don't come bash my religion and beliefs when you wouldn't want me to do that to you. Simple enough concept, I think. 


If you come to Utah, don't automatically assume everyone is judging you if you're not Mormon. Or that they're judging you BECAUSE you are Mormon and you might not live up to their standards or expectations or whatever. Live your life however it makes you happy. Don't judge other people. We are all human beings on planet earth and that is one thing that ties us all together. You know the saying "I'm only human"? Well it means we all make mistakes. We all have things we need to learn. So stop judging people because of the ways they are different from you, and try to focus on what is the same. We can all learn from each other if we just try. 


And that is the end of this rant. It didn't quite go where I was expecting it to go since I just winged it, but you get what I'm trying to say. I hope. 

Live for Today

This post is officially my 100th post. Most people write something exciting or post awesome pictures to "celebrate" their 100th post. In light of what happened last night, I decided to write something a little different.

Last night I went to see the midnight showing of The Dark Knight Rises. My sister had an extra ticket so I went with her. Little did I know that about 500 miles away in Aurora, Colorado an entire theater, much like the one I was in, was in the middle of a massacre. When all those people arrived at the theater they were probably excited. They were going to see Batman. Some people brought their kids. Their significant other. Their friends. Family. Maybe they thought they were lucky to get to be some of the first people to see the movie. They had no way of knowing a cold, evil, psychopath was going to do the unimaginable. He just walked into the theater, calmly stood there, and then unleashed a wave of tear gas and bullets. 70 people injured. 12 people killed. And for what? This mindless act has ruined the lives of so many people, and for no reason at all. Just because a satanic man wanted to feel powerful and cause pain. I will never be able to understand what leads a person to do something like that. Especially how someone can be completely calm while harming so many innocent people. 

When things like this happen it really makes me think about how fragile we all are. God can have us taken at any time. There were two soldiers in that audience. They survived being soldiers, only to be shot in a movie theater in Colorado. It just goes to show that life is short, and you might not get tomorrow. All you can do is live your life to the best of your ability and try to make the best of everything. We are alive. That means we are extremely lucky and we shouldn't waste a second of our lives hanging on to anger, jealousy, hate, or any kind of negativity because every second is precious. We should live our lives feeling grateful and happy just to have today. 

The people who are the best at being happy and enjoying life, even during the bad times, are children. They are pure and innocent. I saw this video today and it made me laugh. These kids are very happy and their happiness is contagious. At least to me. 

Bad things happen all the time. A lot of the time they are senseless. We just have to do our best to try and make the world a better place and try to make the most of the time we have. It's all we can do.