Living in the Moment

A few years ago I came across a book called "13 Reasons Why" by Jay Asher. It was one of those books that you pick up and don't put down until you've read every single word. Today, I downloaded a book co-authored by Jay Asher and Carolyn Mackler called "The Future of Us". I started reading it and didn't stop until I finished, which was about 15 minutes ago. While I didn't like it as much as "13 Reasons Why", it did get me thinking a lot. "The Future of Us" is basically about a girl and her friend who get an AOL disc and download it onto her computer (before the internet was everywhere and iPods or Facebook were invented) and it has a Facebook account on it with their lives 15 years in the future. They become obsessed with how their current lives affect their future lives and it turns into this huge life changing thing over about a weeks time and don't realize how they are ignoring their current lives. 

As I've written in previous posts, I love Buddhism. Not as a religion or anything, but I think Buddha was very wise and teaches very useful concepts and ways to find happiness within yourself. A big part of Buddhism is something called mindfulness. It's about being aware of yourself and what is going on in the moment, how your body feels, managing your thoughts, and being totally present in the current moment. I have a few buddhist books and they go more in depth about the concept but it is really helpful. Most people don't know this but last year I found out I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I'm not ashamed to admit this anymore. Millions of people suffer from it, and it's not something you can just "get over" and stop on a whim. I've found that mindfulness is helps a lot with people who are suffering from extreme stress and use it remain calm in stressful situations. Practicing mindfulness and being in the present moment helps you stop worry so much about the future and enjoy life more. If you just focus on being happy here, right now, then a lot of stress goes away. Your life will turn out how it is supposed to. Everything happens for a reason, and it does no good to put all your time, energy, and emotions into worrying about how one little thing you do now will affect your future 15 years from now. 

If anyone is interested in reading more about mindfulness or Buddhism I love all the books I've read by Thich Nhat Hanh, he is very wise and has changed my life. 

Here is a very artistic rendition of him lol (all his photos were low res). Doesn't he look wise?

Being Mormon in Happy Valley

The current presidential race has shone a lot of light on Mormons, due to the fact that candidate Mitt Romney is a Mormon. While the light has been shone, it hasn't all shown truths. I really don't understand what it is about the world and media that devotes almost all of its energy on tearing other people and beliefs down, whether the stuff they are saying is true or not. Most of the time it's not. What blows my mind the most is that people don't see the hypocrisy of it all. If a Mormon is around a group of non-mormons who are drinking, more often than not, they will be asked why they aren't drinking. They give their answer. And then they get harassed about it (not all the time, I'm not generalizing, but a lot of the time). Think about if the roles were reversed. That Mormon, being around a group of non-mormons drinking could ask them why the ARE drinking, and then harass them about it. They could shove their point of view down the non-mormons' throats all night long. And guess what. That Mormon would be considered arrogant, preachy, judgmental, etc. So how come it doesn't go both ways? How come people who aren't Mormons can harass Mormons about their beliefs, openly and harshly, but nobody says anything? Why is it ok for people to shove their anti-religious beliefs down Mormons throats, but when Mormons try and say what they believe they are being judgmental, un-accepting, and arrogant? I really don't get it. The hypocrisy is ridiculous. 


I read a post on the internet that said "Mormons are arrogant". Come on. Really? You're going to stereotype every single Mormon on the planet because maybe you met a handful of arrogant Mormons? I have lived in Utah Valley my whole life, so I have obviously been around my fair share of Mormons. Are some Mormons arrogant? Yes. Are all Mormons arrogant? No. Generalizations and stereotypes are ridiculous. Try not to be in the high school mentality, okay? Realize that not all people are what ONE person is. That's like saying all Hispanic people are illegal, or all Black people are criminals, or all White people are racist, etc, etc, etc. It's ridiculous. There are endless amounts of stereotypes and generalizations that are completely FALSE. 


I've heard people say that being a non-mormon in Utah sucks. Well guess what. Being a Mormon in Utah sucks too. I can imagine what it would be like to be the minority somewhere. I've grown up in an environment where the majority of the people around me have the same beliefs. It's a weird way to grow up, considering that most of the other places in the US aren't like that. Except in the South maybe....anyway. I can understand why it would be hard for non-mormons to try and fit in in Utah. Mormonism isn't just a religion in Utah, it's a culture too, because it's so condensed. I'll tell you a secret. It's hard for Mormons to fit in in Utah too. The Mormon culture is definitely unique. There are a lot of desserts involved, along with a lot of overly friendly people and pot luck dinners. There's a lot of pressure. A lot of insecurities. But most Mormons really are just trying to be good people. Sometimes Mormons might come off arrogant, because they ARE overly friendly and cheerful. It might come off fake or condescending. But guess what. Every single person in this world is just trying to live life the best way they know how. Nobodies opinions and beliefs are exactly the same. Mormons try to be friendly because the religion focuses on service and helping the people around them. Cue the enormous amounts of food. And crafts. Some Mormons ARE self righteous. But a lot aren't. 


I don't understand why people have so many negative things to say about Mormons anyway. The religion promotes lots of service, families, education, travel, morality, health, ethics, etc. None of those things sound bad to me. When there are natural disasters, Mormons are usually a huge part of the people who volunteer to help. When people are moving, Mormons usually stop by to help whether they know the person or not. If your neighbor is a Mormon and they see your sidewalk covered in snow, they usually come shovel it. Mormons donate to charity. They visit old people. They travel to 3rd world countries and try to help the people there. I'm not saying all Mormons are good people, cause some aren't. But nobody is perfect. Mormons aren't polygamists. They don't wear weird clothes or eat weird food. They don't live on compounds. They are regular people. 


I have been a Mormon my whole life, and will always be a Mormon. I am sick of people telling me that I let other people make my decisions and think for me, BECAUSE I'm Mormon. Just cause I've grown up being Mormon doesn't mean it's always been easy to be one. We all go through stages where we try to figure out what we personally believe. We question things and try to make sense of the world around us. I questioned a lot of stuff. I studied scriptures, read articles, prayed, soul searched, you know the drill. I came to believe, BY MYSELF, that I believe in the LDS church (aka Mormonism). Nobody forced me to believe it or brainwashed me. I make my own choices. I'm not saying that I don't still wonder about stuff and question stuff, but everyone does. We are all just trying to find a belief system that works for us. I am not a lemming who just follows along with everyone else. So people, STOP SAYING MORMONS DON'T MAKE THEIR OWN DECISIONS. We are normal freakin people like everyone else. We just believe in stuff that maybe you don't. Big deal. You can go smoke, drink until you puke, sleep around, steal, do whatever, and I don't care. I seriously don't judge. It's your life. I don't want people judging me for what I do, so I'm not going to judge anyone for what they do. It's their life, and their decisions, and if they decide to believe in Buddha, Ra, nobody, the cult leader down the street, GO FOR IT. More power to ya. I'm not going to force my beliefs on anyone, but if anyone wants to actually have an open, intellectual, respectful discussion about religion or just beliefs in general I'm completely open to it. Just don't come bash my religion and beliefs when you wouldn't want me to do that to you. Simple enough concept, I think. 


If you come to Utah, don't automatically assume everyone is judging you if you're not Mormon. Or that they're judging you BECAUSE you are Mormon and you might not live up to their standards or expectations or whatever. Live your life however it makes you happy. Don't judge other people. We are all human beings on planet earth and that is one thing that ties us all together. You know the saying "I'm only human"? Well it means we all make mistakes. We all have things we need to learn. So stop judging people because of the ways they are different from you, and try to focus on what is the same. We can all learn from each other if we just try. 


And that is the end of this rant. It didn't quite go where I was expecting it to go since I just winged it, but you get what I'm trying to say. I hope. 

Who Knew Star Wars Could Change Your Life

Within the past week I have watched every Star Wars movie.

I watched them all in order for the first time (and by in order, I mean by order of the story, not order of how they were made). Weird thing is, I have come to some very life changing conclusions because of this. In Star Wars, Yoda says that Anakin has a lot of fear in him, and fear leads to anger, which leads to the dark side. I never thought about it that way. I mean, obviously fear and anger lead you to do bad things. If you give in to your fear and anger you move further away from what's good and closer to what's bad. Solution: when you get angry, try and figure out what you're afraid of, since all anger stems from some kind of fear. If you figure out what you're afraid of, you can try and work on not being afraid, which will help you find peace. 

2 Timothy 1:7 says: "For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

 I also found a quote by Gandhi on my friend's facebook page that says, “There is nothing that wastes the body like worry, and one who has any faith in God should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever."

Worries are just fears, so it's the same principle. If you're worried or afraid, you just need to trust in God more. He knows what he's doing. I have trust issues like nobodies business, but you can always trust God. He has your best interest in mind and knows what's best for you. There is one surefire way to make God laugh, and that is to make life plans. He will think it's hilarious, and then lead you to the life you're supposed to have. That is a fact. 

Another thing I learned from Star Wars was to focus on life in the moment. Yoda tells Luke that one of his weaknesses was always looking for a future time of when he would be happy. Once he got off Tatooine he would be happy. Once he got out of where he was and started  a life somewhere else, THEN he would be happy. I have the same problem. Once I graduate, I will be happy. Once I move out of Utah, I'll be happy. Once I get a career I will be happy. Once I get married, have kids, and a cute little house with a white picket fence I will be happy. Weirdly enough, Star Wars has made me realize that you really need to just focus on living in the moment instead of wasting time thinking about a future time to fix all your sadness and/or anger. Make the most of every moment because you're lucky to have every moment you get. Life is too short to waste it wallowing in what you hate about your life. 

I read this quote on this girl's blog I follow that says, "Don’t just hang in there, enjoy yourselves. Travel, learn new skills, serve, do something that challenges you, work on making yourself a better person, and don’t worry about the rest…don’t worry about what you can’t change, but do worry about (and do something about) what you can. And be happy now…don’t wait for some event to make you happy…happiness is not some goal to be reached or destination…it’s a way of life!"

My goal is to learn and do lots of new things. For example, I'm learning how to draw those 3D chalk drawings people do on the sidewalk. I wanna take a pottery class. I wanna go fishing in a row boat on the lake. I want to hike up Timp FINALLY. I'm getting in shape. I'm saving up to move out. I will eventually get a motorcycle :) And the list goes on and on. I started a bucket list a long time ago so I will start trying to accomplish the things on my list. The future is as bright as you want to make it, and I plan on making my future a good one :) 

There Is No [wh]Y in Happiness

Today has been a sick day. I don't mind sick days as long as they are only once in a while. It forces people to rest and take care of themselves, which many people can't afford to do on a regular basis, depending on their job, school, or family situation. Or a combination of two or all of them. Anyway, sick days give me a lot of time to think. The things I see, read, hear, or do provoke a more intensive, deep thought process than they normally would. That may be a side effect of whatever type of meds I take for that particular problem, but I like to think it's more of my brain being more active and compensating for when my body has to be  more inactive. I have read a few things today that really caught my attention.


Number One: I ordered a fitness DVD called BBX Hardcore that finally arrived in the mail. It comes with a booklet with an entire 90 day meal plan, recipes, life coaching, stuff like that. One part that hit me said:

"You can't focus on the negative. You can't dwell on the wrong that you have done, or what other people have done to you; how crappy you feel, or how bad you think you look, or how nothing ever goes right for you. By focusing on the negative, you keep yourself there and so continues a very vicious cycle. Change begins with, ends with, and can only happen within you." -Dede Barbantts

Pretty deep for a fitness DVD huh?

Number Two: I started reading this book called "Broken for You" by Stephanie Kallos. I am only 34 pages into it, but it has already got me thinking. One part talks about how one of the characters read a book about writing down affirmations and says:

"If Wanda felt like writing, 'Nobody will ever love me again,' which, according to the book's author, was a lie, she wrote instead, 'A loving relationship awaits me.' If Wanda felt like writing, 'All men are [messed up jerks] who deserve to die,' she forced her hand into a steady calmness and wrote instead, 'There are good men in the world, somewhere.' If she felt like writing, '[Screw] the survival of the species. The world would be better off if humans became extinct,' she wrote, 'Save the whales.' And if she felt her spooks coming on, those familiar voices that said, 'You're going to die alone. People started leaving you when you were six years old and they're going to keep leaving you, so why bother?' she would print, as if she were competing for a penmanship prize, 'I love myself. I. Love. Myself. I do not need another person's love to make me whole.'"

Stephanie Kallos used relationships in that particular part of the book to describe affirmations, but I think it is actually a useful technique that can be applied to any situation. If you constantly tell yourself you are going to fail or that you are going nowhere, then that it what will happen to you. If you tell yourself you amazing and will succeed at whatever it is you put your mind to, then you will. I firmly believe we are our greatest roadblocks in life. We are the only thing holding ourselves back from reaching our full potential. We can spend all our time blaming God or the people around us, but in the end, deep down we all know that the blame really falls on us. 

Number Three: I was watching Community since I ran out of other things to watch and the character Jeff, played by Joel McHale said:

"He has nothing to prove or disprove about himself or to himself. He has no shame because he didn't care if you knew. We can't keep going to each other until we learn to go to ourselves. We need to stop turning our hatred of ourselves into someones else's job and just stop hating ourselves."

Now, taken out of context it doesn't make tons of sense. And granted, Community is about stupid humor and being sarcastic most of the time. But what I got from it was that the reason we sometimes hate ourselves is because we feel like we have to prove ourselves in comparison to those around us. We constantly compare our shortcomings to other people's strengths and beat ourselves up for NO GOOD REASON. I read somewhere once something along the lines of, "Would you be friends with someone who talked to you the way you talk to yourself." Essentially, if someone criticized you and was as hard on you as you are on yourself, you probably wouldn't want to be around them. We should all cut ourselves some slack every now and then. Nobody is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes, and everyone has room for improvement, no matter how old they are. We should all try to be more positive and nicer to ourselves and the people around us. I think that is one thing that could help us all in the pursuit of happiness. And as Will Smith says ON The Pursuit of Happyness,

"There is no [wh]Y in happiness."

I Am Very Lucky

These last few weeks have been very eye opening for me. They have been hard, but I am grateful to have gone through what I have gone through. I feel happier than I've been in a while, which gives me hope for the future. I feel like it will only get better from here, and I will only get better. The trials I have been through have already pushed me onto a better path and I know it is God's way of pointing me in the direction I need to go. For that I feel very grateful and blessed to have His guidance. I don't mean to get preachy but I recognize God's role in my life and know I have Him to thank for everything I have. The good, and what sometimes appears to be the bad. In all reality though, all the bad is for our good. Sometimes it's hard to realize that, but it's true. 


I'm in love with Rascal Flatts right now. Always have been, but I always get more obsessed with country music in the summer. Here are some of my favorite songs of theirs right now:

No Reins

Mayberry

Banjo

Here are some quotes that I love right now:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." (The Serenity Prayer)

That quote has really really made a difference in my life. A lot of the time, people are unhappy because they feel like their life is out of control. When you actually think about the situations you are in and realize you can't control them, it brings acceptance and a sense of peace in some way. At least for me. And if you realize you can control it, then you are in the power position to change whatever it is that is making you unhappy. Either way, you can be happy no matter what is happening to you. Everything happens for a reason. 

Proverbs 3: 5-6

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths. 

That is my favorite scripture of all time. 

I stumbled upon this quote by Marilyn Monroe and ordered a vinyl lettering of it and put it on my wall:

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” 

Also, now that school is over I have had time to work on my art. It makes me happy :) I will probably start posting some of my new stuff soon. I really need to get out and take some more pictures since I haven't done that in far too long. Keep an eye out :) Hopefully I can make it worth your wait. 

Do the Creep

I like to watch people. Don't worry, it's not in a creepy stalker way. Even though my old roommates and I would creep on the guys in the building across from us when they would have their blinds open. If you're walking around shirtless with rock hard abs and your blinds wide open you obviously want people to look at you. We were just obliging :) Lol anyway, I am super fascinated by people. I like to think that I have been blessed with the gift of observation. I feel like I notice more about my surroundings and about people around me than many others do. My mom said even as a kid I would be fine to just sit and watch people. I'm totally cool doing that too, I like watching how other people interact and seeing how they react to different situations. 

In high school I thought about going into sociology once I got into college, but I didn't wanna work for the government (which is basically all you can do) so I decided not to. I love anthropology, psychology, sociology, history, you name it. Anything that deals with people and what they did or currently do. I think that is why I love books, tv, and movies so much is because they are stories. I'm actually really passionate about figuring out why we think and act the way we do. I feel like by watching lots of different kinds of people it helps me figure out myself in the process. For example, sometimes when I see someone react a certain way to a situation, I think about how I would react to the situation and try to figure out why my reaction would be different. What leads me to react my way, and what leads the other person to react their way. Might sound nerdy but I think it's pretty cool. 

People watching has actually helped me become a less judgmental person. Instead of judging why people are doing what they are doing I just think there is an underlying reason (or reasons) to why they act a certain way. Nobody is perfect, and people act a way for a reason. Yes, we can control our actions. No, we shouldn't blame our behavior on our situation. But things that happen to us influence our personalities and behaviors. This world would be a better place if people stopped judging each other and cut each other some slack every once in a while because you never know why people are doing what they are doing. 

I am really into Buddha. 

Laugh all you want but Buddhism contains a lot of really good philosophies on life and has actually helped me become a better person in my opinion. As they say in Sons of Provo, "Mormons can be Buddhist too." Here are some Buddhist quotes I really like that pertain to this subject:

"What is the appropriate behavior for a man or a woman in the midst of this world, where each person is clinging to his piece of debris? What's the proper salutation between people as they pass each other in this flood?"

"Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill."

That's all :)