I'm Not So Poor That I Need Your Two Cents

Yes, I am poor. I know that. My husband and I both work hard at our jobs every day like almost all other newlyweds to make ends meet. We do what we have to do. We make sacrifices and go without a lot of things just so we can put gas in the car and food on the table. We made the decision together to buy our condo in Payson. There are no places to rent in the valley that were cheaper than a mortgage, which is incredibly ridiculous. We made an investment. Payson is exploding right now with the temple being built and all the houses and businesses that are going up. The housing market is going up which means the value of our condo has already gone up in the couple of months that we have owned it. Our condo is in a supreme location and a great neighborhood. We had to move out and rent it to other people because we can't pay all our bills right now, but guess what. That just means that other people are paying our mortgage FOR US and building our equity while we use our hard earned money to pay the rest of our bills. 

Michael and I made the decision to invest in real estate TOGETHER and we don't regret that decision. We don't need people putting in their two cents saying how big of a mistake it was or how stupid we are, etc etc. We know what we are doing. Keep your nose out of our situation if all you are going to do is judge us and put us down. If you are going to be like that we don't need you in our life. Yes, the timing of us buying our dog Rosie was not the best. Did we find a suitable home for her and not lose a bunch of money in the process? YES. We wanted a dog so we got a dog. We took care of her and then sold her to a nice, loving family who could take care of her better than us at the present time. Don't say we are animal abusers, impulsive, ignorant, immature, etc. We don't need to hear any of that. We are good people, we have a great marriage, and we are happy. That is all anyone outside of us should care about. If you have any supportive remarks you want to make, then great. If you are just going to make snide comments and go on judgmental rants, save your breath because we don't want to hear it. 

Thank you to everyone who has been there for us and helped us out along the way. We appreciate all of you and everything you do. 

What Do I Wanna Be When I Grow Up?

It has come to the point, once again, where I hate my job. I no longer work at Park's. I no longer work for My Indoor Air Quality. I now work for Property Solutions; a job that once seemed full of promise and happiness has turned into a place that sucks out my self-esteem and kills my soul. I hate sitting in a cubicle like a robot receiving phone calls from angry people with problems I don't have authority to help them with. I hate the unflinchingly rigid attendance policy that is making me be here even though I'm super sick. I hate having my supervisor forget everything I talk to them about and at times, have them forget I was even at a meeting and then calling me to another one. I hate feeling like a number and a statistic, not a person. I hate getting my phone calls "graded" and failing them for stupid reasons. It's a phone call, not brain surgery. It doesn't matter! They take everything so seriously here when it comes to "protocol" and care more about following that than actually paying attention to what the situation actually calls for on a case to case basis. I am not meant for this kind of work. Every time I'm sitting here in my cubicle trying to convince myself not to storm out and yell "I QUIT!" I try and think about what kind of work would really make me happy. What things do I love doing so much that doing them would make me actually feel good about myself and feel worth the hard work I put in to it? I came up with two things.

1. I love art.
2. I love kids.

Solution: Minor in art education. 

I notice that the only times I am truly happy (besides when I'm with my husband) is when I am working on art, reading about art, looking at art, etc. and when I'm around little kids. I love kids. I can feel myself light up when I see a little child. I am drawn to them. I love talking to them and playing with them and trying to make them laugh. 

People always ask me what I want to do when I graduate and I never have an answer. I never knew what I wanted to do when I "grew up". Now I do. I want to teach art to little kids. I know that would bring me so much happiness. I know I would be good at it. I know that I would feel like I was doing something worthwhile and something that could maybe affect people for the good. I think I am going to add a minor in art education to my degree. It will add some more classes to my load before I graduate but I think it is what I am meant to do. The more I think about it the better I feel. It seems like a positive solution to the crappy situation I am in now. 

I know what I want to be when I grow up. Not many people can say that and I am getting warm fuzzies now that I can, with certainty, say that. I am determined. Wish me luck.

5 am Web Surfing

First post since being married! First post since....well, forever. Kinda been slacking. Lots of interested stuff has happened that I could've posted about but frankly, I've been insanely busy. The only reason I am able to post right now is because I came in to work at 5 am today and it's a Sunday and I have taken a total of 1 phone call in the 2 hours I have been here. Not much to do. So I've been reading Andre Agassi's autobiography "Open" which is fascinating. I love tennis and I miss playing it. I haven't played in about a year at least. Makes me sad. So I got around to looking up the mens singles current rankings trying to see how my man Andy Roddick was doing.

You can imagine the shock that came over me when I found out he has been RETIRED since last year and I had no idea. Like I said on Facebook, I am now dead inside. 

Garrett Helund, however, brought me a little back to life. I watched "Country Strong" last night because I love the music and my husband works graveyard shifts and I had nothing better to do. His voice is amazing. I though he was a professional country artist. Little did I know that he is actually a famous actor and he plays Sam Flynn in Tron: Legacy. What the heck?????

That doesn't even seem like the same person! First of all, the voices sound totally different. Second, he seems like a small little man boy in Tron and a big, strong manly man in Country Strong. This just goes to show how extremely versatile he is. I am in love with his voice. And I am absolutely in love with this song.

I died inside a little bit again when I found out he is dating Kirsten Dunst. I don't know how she is as a person but as an actress I'm not a fan. But if they're happy, more power to them.

That's all I've found out for now. Hopefully anything else I discover will be good things that won't make me die inside anymore.

Living in the Moment

A few years ago I came across a book called "13 Reasons Why" by Jay Asher. It was one of those books that you pick up and don't put down until you've read every single word. Today, I downloaded a book co-authored by Jay Asher and Carolyn Mackler called "The Future of Us". I started reading it and didn't stop until I finished, which was about 15 minutes ago. While I didn't like it as much as "13 Reasons Why", it did get me thinking a lot. "The Future of Us" is basically about a girl and her friend who get an AOL disc and download it onto her computer (before the internet was everywhere and iPods or Facebook were invented) and it has a Facebook account on it with their lives 15 years in the future. They become obsessed with how their current lives affect their future lives and it turns into this huge life changing thing over about a weeks time and don't realize how they are ignoring their current lives. 

As I've written in previous posts, I love Buddhism. Not as a religion or anything, but I think Buddha was very wise and teaches very useful concepts and ways to find happiness within yourself. A big part of Buddhism is something called mindfulness. It's about being aware of yourself and what is going on in the moment, how your body feels, managing your thoughts, and being totally present in the current moment. I have a few buddhist books and they go more in depth about the concept but it is really helpful. Most people don't know this but last year I found out I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I'm not ashamed to admit this anymore. Millions of people suffer from it, and it's not something you can just "get over" and stop on a whim. I've found that mindfulness is helps a lot with people who are suffering from extreme stress and use it remain calm in stressful situations. Practicing mindfulness and being in the present moment helps you stop worry so much about the future and enjoy life more. If you just focus on being happy here, right now, then a lot of stress goes away. Your life will turn out how it is supposed to. Everything happens for a reason, and it does no good to put all your time, energy, and emotions into worrying about how one little thing you do now will affect your future 15 years from now. 

If anyone is interested in reading more about mindfulness or Buddhism I love all the books I've read by Thich Nhat Hanh, he is very wise and has changed my life. 

Here is a very artistic rendition of him lol (all his photos were low res). Doesn't he look wise?

Hallelujah for Whoops Babies

First of all, I'm not pregnant. Wanted to make sure that was clear right off the bat. Second of all, I love my baby sister Catherine Pearl. Feels weird typing out the name Catherine since I always call her Cat, Kitty, Baby Girl, Bub, Babe, Kitty Pearl, etc. The kid's got a lot of nicknames. I only call her Catherine when she's in trouble. A lot of people get confused when I call her my baby sister since she's almost 8 years old, but she is and will forever be my baby sister. I'm 14 years older than her and I was in the room when she was born. I changed her diaper, fed her bottles, babysat her, etc. etc. I am extremely protective of her and miss her all the time. 

This was when I took her to see How to Train Your Dragon in the park in Springville this past summer.  It was a good day :)

I got to see her today for the first time in what I think has been two weeks. I can't believe I went that long without seeing her. I was really missing her and feeling like crap so I went to visit her at my dad's house and I'm really glad I went. The second I saw her she immediately gave me a huge hug and said she missed me. I almost started crying. We ate dinner together and she saved me a seat right next to her and made sure nobody sat in it. She told me jokes that were actually really funny. She talked like a grown up to me and amazed me with how mature and smart she is getting. We played board games and she made sure she was on my team. When I was leaving she wrapped her arms around my stomach and wouldn't let me go and started crying. While it was sad, it actually made me feel a lot better. Today has been one of those days when I don't feel like anyone gives a shiz about me (we all have those days, you know what I'm talking about) so it was nice to feel like she cares and wants me around, especially since she means the world to me. I really don't know what I would do without this kid. She was a whoops baby but she actually turned out to be a miracle baby and she saves me all the time. I love that baby girl. 

I told her to put together an outfit to wear to school the next day and she came out in this while laughing hysterically. She is the funniest, smartest, sweetest kid I know. 

I told her the cactus was about her size and told her to go poke it, so she did lol. Only barely though, she didn't get hurt. 

Hanging out at the western store in Thatcher, Arizona. Not much goin on in that city....

This was at Temple Square :) She's missing her two front teeth. Adorable. 

Something to Get Excited About

Today was my first day of school for Winter semester. I am only taking one class, it's a computer design class. Basically we are going to learn all the design software we are going to need to know to be graphic designers. I. Am. Stoked. Once I finally learn all the complicated software I can finally get a graphic design job and do something I actually care about and get all my ideas out where people can see them. I know this might surprise you but I'm not passionate about selling sporting goods online (which is what I'm currently doing). I also found out that we are going to get to do an art show in the HFAC gallery which I haven't done since my 2D class forever ago. I am very excited for that :) I like seeing my work up on the wall. Makes me feel accomplished somewhat. This semester is going to be a very good one :) 

I Know How You're Operating

Oh Three Days Grace. You read my mind. 

Three Days Grace - Operate

I know how you’re operating

Only come around when you know that I need it

Cut out my heart and you leave me bleeding

But you’re the only one that brings out the demon

Like pills you make me righteous

Like I can rise above it all

Like pills you leave me lifeless

Shaken in a bathroom stall

Why you wanna do this

Don’t want to see you in my phone

Leave me alone

I know how you’re operating

Only come around when you know that I need it

Cut out my heart and you leave me bleeding

You’re the only one that brings out the demon

You bring it out

You bring it out

Like pills you grab a hold of me

One hit just makes me want you more

Until we’re in a motel room

Locked up behind closed doors

Why you wanna do this

Don’t want to see you in my phone

Leave me alone

I know how you’re operating

Only come around when you know that I need it

Cut out my heart and you leave me bleeding

You’re the only one that brings out the demon

You bring it out

You bring it out

You’re doing it now

You’re doing it now

You’re doing it now

It used to be

You brought out the best in me

Now it seems

You bring out the beast in me

I know how you’re operating

Only come around when you know that I need it

Cut out my heart and you leave me bleeding

You are the only one that brings out the demon

You bring it out

(You bring it out)

You bring it out

(You bring it out)

You bring it out

(You bring it out)