100 Ways to Get Rid of An Obnoxious Roommate

To all of my facebook friends who may be reading this.....you probably know by now that my sister and I DESPISE our roommate. I nicknamed her FON the first week we lived together (stands for Freak of Nature). The list of freakishly obnoxious things she has done grow longer and longer by the minute. 

FIRST OF ALL.....she is dating the definition of a hipster and he is at the apartment more than my sister is. He sleeps over on almost a daily basis. They giggle and talk late into the night while taking over the whole first floor, which consists of our kitchen and living room. Leann and I have to stay in our rooms to avoid the awkwardness. I can constantly hear them while I'm trying to sleep and it makes me so frustrated and mad that I want to run down there and force feed her gluten until her irritable bowel syndrome acts up and turns her intestines into Old Faithful. 

SECOND OF ALL.....she thinks she's God's gift to this world and acts like the princess of our castle. She clips her toenails in the living room and leaves the clippings all over. She leaves her billions of dirty dishes around the kitchen along with her mountain of garbage. She leaves all the lights on in the apartment all the time and doesn't care because her parents pay for everything for her. She isn't in school right now so all she does is work 5 hours a day and then hang out in our living room with her stupid boy toy ALL THE TIME. When Leann and I have friends over, FON hovers with her boyfriend, awkwardly standing in the doorway, until we vacate the premises because of how awkward it is. The list of obnoxious things she does goes ON AND ON. 

Today was a breaking point. After her boy toy constantly being here and her doing all the obnoxious things she does, Leann and I finally decided to do something about it. So we are currently blasting rock and metal from the top of the stairs hoping it will force their anything-but-folk-music-intolerance to act up and leave so we can actually go downstairs. If that doesn't work, I guess Leann will just have to confront her since I am completely non confrontational and get anxiety at the very thought of having to deal with that awkward situation. OR.........we could try any number of the 100 Ways to Annoy Your Roommate that we found while googling how to get make her move out!

Here are some of my favorites:

1. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors by your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning. 
2. Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for 5 minutes. Afterwards keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"
3. Every time you see your roommate yell, "You son of a..." and kick him/her in the stomach. Then buy him/her some ice cream.
4. Set your roommate's bed on fire. Apologize and explain that you've been watching too much Beavis and Butthead. Do it again. Tell him/her that your not sorry because this time they deserved it.
5. Eat lots of Lucky Charms. Pick out all the yellow moons and stockpile them in the closet. If your roommate inquires, explain that visitors are coming, but you can't say anything more, or you'll have to face the consequences.
6. Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, "It's spreading, it's spreading!"
7. Buy a Jack-In-The-Box. Every day, turn the handle until the clown pops out. Scream continuously for twenty minutes.
8. Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon..."
9. If your roommate comes home after midnight, hit him/her on the head with a rolling pin. Immediately go to bed, muttering, "Ungrateful little..."
10. While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.
11. Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the hell is my sandwich!?" Complain loudly that you are hungry.
12. Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, "He just didn't belong."
13. Cover your bed with a tent. Live inside it for a week. If your roommate asks, explain that "It's a jungle out there." Get your roommate to bring you food and water.
14. Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."
15. Sign your roommate up for various activities. (Campus tour guide, blood donor, organ donor)
16. Hit your roommate on the head with a brick. Claim that you were trying to kill a mosquito.
17. Instead of turning off the light switch, smash the light bulb with a hammer. Put a new bulb in the next day. Complain often about the cost of lightbulbs.
18. When you walk into the room, look at the roommate in disgust and yell, "Oh you're here!" Walk away yelling and cursing.
19. Buy a watermelon. Draw a face on it and give it a name. Ask your roommate if the watermelon can sleep in his/her bed. If your roommate says no, drop the watermelon out the window. Make it look like a suicide. Say nasty things about your roommate at the funeral.
20. Drink a cup of coffee every morning. When you finish it, gnaw on the mug for about ten minutes. Then look at your roommate, immediately put the mug away, and quickly leave the room.
21. Hold a raffle, offering your roommate as first prize. If he/she protests, tell him/her that it's all for charity.
22. Watch "Psycho" every day for a month. Then act excited every time your roommate goes to take a shower.
23. Go through your roommate's textbooks with a red pen, changing things and making random corrections. If your roommate protests, tell him/her that you just couldn't take it anymore.
24. As soon as your roommate turns off the light at night, begin singing famous operas as loud as you can. When your roommate turns on the light, look around and pretend to be confused.
25. Late at night, start conversations that begin with, "Remember the good old days, when we used to..." and make up stories involving you and your roommate.
26. Sit and stare at your roommate for hours. Bring others in to join you. Eat peanuts, throwing a few at your roommate. Then say, "Boy, these zoos just aren't what they used to be."
27. Buy a lobster. Pretend to play cards with it. Complain to your roommate that the lobster is making up his own rules.
28. Make pancakes every morning, but don't eat them. Draw faces on them, and toss them in the closet. Watch them for several hours each day. Complain to your roommate that your "pancake farm" isn't evolving into a self-sufficient community. Confide to your roommate that you think the king of the pancakes has been taking bribes

And this one I just want to do for fun :)

   29.  Buy some turtles. Paint numbers on their backs. Race them down the hall.

I'm hoping the blasting music thing doesn't work just so we can try some of these things.

Wish us luck with expelling the spawn of Satan!

It's Time to Talk Politics...Kinda

I saw this video during the previews of The Five Year Engagement. I love Jason Segel. Anyway, they showed this video called Bad Lip Reading and it was pretty funny. I couldn't find the exact video but here are some that they took clips from. 

I guess they gotta get people interested in politics somehow lol. 

So Much Music, So Little Time

I love music. It has saved me more than once. I was recently going through my iTunes and discovered tons of forgotten music, along with music I have never even listened to. It was like suddenly getting all this new music. I loved it :) Since I can't get my iPod adapter to work in my car, I have to burn CDs in order to play them while I drive. So I made a bunch of playlists and burned a bunch of CDs. Made me very happy :) Here are some songs I'm lovin' on right now. 

Do it Alone by Sugarcult

  

You and I by Ingrid Michaelson

Brothers on a Hotel Bed by Death Cab for Cutie

I Devise my Own Demise by Papa Roach

Riot by Three Days Grace

My sister Leann showed me this song yesterday and I think it's hilarious.

Don't Be a Douchebag by Jump Smokers

Also, totally random but I made this for my momma:

It's at a weird angle cause I was trying to block the sun glare from our huge window. It didn't turn out exactly how I was trying to get it to look but I'm still happy with how it looks.

That's all :)

The Silver Lining

Wow I can't believe it has been almost a month since I have written a post. I start a lot of journal entries that way lol. I'm not the greatest at writing when I don't think there's anything interesting to say. The thing is, you can always find something interesting to talk about. The key is finding the person who will find what you're saying as interesting lol. 

My life is pretty monotonous. Work is stressful. School sucks. Family always keeps me on my toes, most of the time in a predictable way though (sounds contradictory but it's not). My advanced writing class is making me hate writing. Academic writing that is, I still love to free write. I am glad that I decided to keep writing a hobby because if I went into it as a career I would despise it, and that would ruin it for me. There is one thing that always makes my day after a crappy day of work and school, and that is The Office. 

When Steve Carrell left The Office it went completely downhill. Nothing about it was funny anymore. However, the last few episodes have made me laugh more than I have in a while. I mean, Dwight has a gigantic monster baby with Angela, Jim pretended like he was murdered by shady people in a hotel room (one of his best pranks EVER), Dwight had appendicitis but stayed in a meeting in hopes of a promotion to the point that he passed out, then went to the hospital, then came back to the meeting right after the surgery. If you have never seen these episodes you may not think these sound very funny, but when you hear the dialogue and see the context of the situations you can't help but literally laugh out loud. 

Also, I have found that I use retail therapy quite frequently lately. Whenever I get super stressed or depressed I buy things. Sometimes it is small stuff, but lately it has been more expensive stuff. I have impulse purchased two jackets, two pairs of jeans, and some new running shoes in the last two or three weeks. I can't help it! But don't worry, sometimes I purposefully leave my wallet where I can't access it when I go places so I won't buy anything. It's effective even though it makes me mad sometimes lol. 

Anways, this is a really lame post but I will have a better one next time :P Hopefully it won't be a month before I write again. 

Every Newsie Shufflin

This post is gonna be short. I saw this video on facebook today and thought it was hilarious. Enjoy :)

It's A Brand New Day

My sister just showed me this video and I am in love with it, and with his voice. I have been pretty down the past few days so this was just what I needed. 

Joshua Radin - Brand New Day

Click HERE to see J Pop America Fun Time Now from SNL. It isn't on youtube so just click on the link if you want to see it. Trust me, it's worth it. Made me laugh. 

Also something else that has cheered me up: New Mountain Dew flavor!!! It's called Game Fuel: "Dew with a charge of tropical flavor"

The taste is interesting, but I love the cans, even if it is just for Call of Duty. All their cans should be this artistic. 

And finally, the thing that puts a smile on my face no matter what is my adorable little nephew. 

 

You can't help but smile at that face.

Now I'm going to go sit in front of the television and watch New Girl, Whitney, and/or Happy Endings until I feel like I've had my fix of funny while I eat some delicious 7 layer dip and drink some mtn dew. 

Which I will enjoy :)

Today is an Artsy Fartsy Day

I have been studying for my History of Graphic Design midterm for the past three days. I'm taking a break because I just remembered something. I'm currently reading this huge long chapter about the Art Nouveau period, which has a lot of Japanese influence. For some reason, it reminded me of this video my sister showed me forever ago even though it has nothing to do with Japan. 

It is called The Monk and the Fish

It is so random, yet it makes me laugh and I like it. I guess it's also supposed to have some symbolism with God and such but I'm not sure, that's just what some comments said under the video.

I'm feeling super inspired today, but unfortunately I have to confine myself to the textbook and memorize images rather than making any. I guess I'll just have to save it for later.

Anyways, gotta get back to studying so enjoy the random video!

Exercise Gives You Endorphins, Endorphins Make You Happy

Happy people just don't kill their husbands.

After a long day of stress, dealing with super rude, obnoxious people, I decided to run off the anger. I like to run on the treadmill cause when I decide to give up, I can just stop and plop down whenever I want haha. No need to run uphill after I've decided I can't take any more. 

Only problem is, our treadmill is possessed. I think it's one of those situations where the technology becomes smarter than the people who created it and take control of the world. After about ten minutes, the treadmill will speed up way faster than what it is set at. When set at a speed for a light jog, you end up sprinting. I think it's trying to force us all into being marathon ready so we will be more of a challenge when all the technology decide to take over. If we can run faster then we'll survive longer haha. 

Even though I gave up after 15 minutes, I think I got a massive dose of endorphins cause I have been laughing at literally EVERYTHING ever since. I don't know if it's a combination of being home alone for 5 hours and the exercise or what, but I'm not complaining. Everything is better when you can laugh at it. For example:

I was watching "Bride Wars" on t.v. and the girl was complaining about her friend making her fat by secretly sending her chocolate baskets and international butter club stuff. The guy who played Van on "Reba" said: 

"International Butter Club? You mean you've been sitting around eating sticks of butter from foreign lands?" Every time I think about it I can't stop laughing. 

This commercial:

Text conversation between me and my sister Britt:

Me: I'm just chilling here scooping watermelon with a tiny baby spoon.

Britt: Are you making tiny little watermelon snowmen?

Me: No! But I should! They would be cuter than the little mashed potato snowmen I made.

Britt: Agreed! They would keep their shape quite adorably.

Me: There are even black seeds that I can use for buttons and eyes lol.

Britt: This just keeps getting better and better....

Stupid guy on the tv show "Sweet Home Alabama" that's like the Bachelorette with a southern girl:

"So I did some acting without my clothes on. It was completely tasteful, nothing happened. My parents have even seen this video. It's called Hotel Erotica. I don't see why you have problem with this."

HAHAHAHAHA.......oh man. Tasteful. Yeah right. 

Dwight on "The Office":

"Wait...you told me the money was going to bat birth control."

"I need a baby. I've been feeling a great hole in my life. Sometimes I wake up cradling a gourd."

There were others but I have already forgotten them cause I was so distracted by my laughing. I could get used to this. 

THE Man: Rob Dyrdek

Over the past week I have developed an extreme love for Rob Dyrdek and his neverending ability to make me laugh my freaking head off. He is the most random, hilarious man I have ever seen. Not to mention, he is an FANtastic skateboarder.

Here is his beautiful face

I knew that he had that TV show Rob & Big, but now he has his own show called Rob's Fantasy Factory. He, like most guys, can be freaking disgusting at times but he is super HILARIOUS. Plus you get to see him biff it time after time in so many different ways. People getting hurt is almost always an immediate crack up.

Some of the things Rob has done:

1. Bought a mini horse and keep it IN his house.

2. Taught his pit bull how to skateboard.

3. Donated his clothes to hobos on the street.

4. Built a zip line in his warehouse.

5. Had an "awkward intervention" for his weirdo cousin "Big Cat"

6. Simulated a shark attack in a pool while wearing chain mail and a motorcycle helmet.

7. Bought a time machine and drove to canada to get tips on how to make it work.

8. Took a spiritual Guru on his motorcycle and other awesome toys.

9. AND SO MUCH MORE!!!!!

Basically, he is random, hilarious, and super talented and he never fails to brighten my day. Right now there is a Fantasy Factory marathon going on and I now know how my night is going to play out.

Thank you Rob, for being funny, stupid, and catching it all on camera. You are the bomb shiz.